Oh You Didn’t Know: How Love Really Works

Posted: December 18, 2013 in Personal
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

If you think you can just fall in love with someone and that’s all it takes, I hereby revoke your right to watch TV and movies. Love, or at least lasting love, requires multiple “falls.” There should be several points in time when you think to yourself: “This is why I love her/him. She/He is amazing.” If those moments don’t happen, just run because it’s not going to work out. At some point, you will hate the other person or at the very least, everything they do. You will question why you ever wanted this person to begin with, resent the person and possibly yourself in the process. Love requires work, communication, and trust, and even with all that, it still won’t be perfect.

One of the major failings I see in relationships in this day and age is a lack of REAL communication. For a technology age where you can Skype/Oovoo/Facetime someone thousands of miles away, text them, direct message them, and AT them, we still don’t talk to each other. Do you really know what your significant other likes or do you just think you do? Do you know what turns them on? Do you know their sexual fantasies and their dreams for success? How can you if you never talk to each other? My suggestion for men and women: chill with your other half like you chill with your friends. Have a couple of drinks and just talk about shit like you do with friends. Stop being so afraid of reactions. Honestly, if you’re scared to talk to someone you consider your man or your woman, you’re already on the wrong path. Worst case scenario, you say something and they look at you like you’re crazy, but on the other side of the coin, you could find out something you thought you were weird for is something they’re into as well. A lot of guys cheat because they think another girl will do things their girl won’t. Well how can she know what she needs to do if she doesn’t even know you want it? You have to give someone a chance to fuck up before you judge them.

Now this part is tricky. There is a very fine line between getting out of a bad relationship and just giving up when things get hard. One concrete rule that can help find that line is allowing the other person to make mistakes. If he/she is abusive (whether it’s physically or mentally), fuck that, cut and run, but most things will require time to adjust and improve. If you book every time someone forgets an important event, says something harsh or just generally pisses you off, stop even trying to be in relationships. You’re clearly not built for it. You have to put in that effort to power through some things to get to where you need to be, and don’t be afraid to look in the mirror. In a relationship, the problems aren’t always external. Sometimes, it’s YOU. YOU’RE the one that needs to change and if the relationship is worth it, I suggest you make an earnest effort to do so. No one said this was going to be easy.

Finally, and quite obviously, if you’re going to allow another person to be this close to you, you need to trust them. A key element to trust, in my opinion, is minding your own goddamn business. If at any point in time your man/woman makes you feel like violating their privacy is a necessity, you’re probably in a dead relationship, you just haven’t left yet. If they are providing you with what you need and want from a relationship, don’t let bad past experiences or the experiences of others cause you to doubt what you have. Whether they are doing something or not, launching a full scale investigation is going to put unneeded stress on both of you. If he/she is doing something, you might catch them, you might not. Either way, it’s all but over. If they’re not, then you’re just stressing out a good person for no reason other than you’re own insecurity. That’s not fair to anyone. Instead of tearing down your world from the inside out, find a hobby to keep yourself occupied, so you don’t have all that extra time to ruin your relationship.

Now I’m no love doctor and I have no psych degree, but I feel like if people even attempted to listen to these words, the divorce rate in this country wouldn’t be so abysmal. Change your point of view people. Don’t let the failings of other people, be they real or on your favorite TV show, control how you move in your own life. Take each relationship as a case by case basis and appreciate when things are good. You never know when it may be over.

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