Me vs Me: the Incessant Ramblings of a Drunkard

Posted: December 27, 2013 in Personal
Tags: , , , , ,

No one can piss me off quite like I can. I have an exceptional ability to take any and everything that pisses me off and blow it up to nuclear proportions.

I can rationalize and logically break things down in someone else’s life to a near written script degree, but there is no one in my life that fits the script in my mind.

My words are so deadly, destroying the world around me as I try desperately to remold it into a place that I just feel comfortable, understood and loved. Instead, the people I want closest too me know the least and are willing to hear even less while those on the outer circle fight desperately to mean more to me than they do. Not that I’m anyone special, I’m clearly not. If I were, I wouldn’t have time to have mental battles that put Charles Xavier to shame.

I feel hatred radiating from me and towards me. I feel fear. I feel…resentment. I want to confront it, but it’s shell is fragile so I just fight me. I appreciate the challenge. I’ve been trained to never feel right so I lose even to myself. It’s all a fog.

I just want my world to be an amalgamation of all that I’ve seen on TV and in movies where people say just the right thing at the right time. Where they show humility and express themselves with their guard completely down for no other reason than they want to make another person feel better and help get them through another day.

I don’t see it. I don’t believe it. But I believe this drink…

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