Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category

Point J to Z

Posted: February 3, 2017 in Personal
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Though I am dejected at the moment, I still have every intention to do great, positive things if/when I get any sustainable amount of money. I’ve had time to think about the other side of the coin a bit though. Why would someone with a surplus of money, I mean literally more money than they could possibly need in several life times, be so selfish and self serving with it? How could they not want to use that money to make sure others don’t have to go through the same hardships as they did? Wouldn’t they want to help whatever industry or art form that got them to where they are?

No. No the fuck they wouldn’t. You know why? Because in order to get to where they are, they literally…yes literally, had to go through hell. Think back for a second, if Jay-Z’s uncle actually took the time to support a young Shawn Carter, maybe he wouldn’t be the (in my opinion) hard hearted businessman he is today. Maybe, just maybe, he would have a bigger hand in shaping the next generation of hip-hop instead of still being concerned with his own fame and money. But why the hell should he? Who helped him? Who believed in him?  There were no less than 1000 people standing between him and 1/8th of the success that he found in his early career, so after getting through all of that garbage, all of the muck and mire, how could he not be jaded? I get it.

On the other…other side…this is a big ass coin. Would it even be a coin anymore? Anyway, nothing can change until more people make it through the bullshit with their heart and soul intact. People have to realize the unnecessary struggles they went through and help future generations prosper. They have no contractual or spoken obligation to do so and I think they’ve been so torn down on their way to success, they realized no one shows any real responsibility towards artistry. Why would they? Movies, music, TV, video games are all multi-billion dollar industries now. There’s no time to cultivate wordsmiths or crowd moving performers when you can put in half the effort and just stuff it down people’s throats until they buy it. I digress, the point is, it’s easy to give in to the status quo of terrible we currently sit in, but it is only through personal accountability that actual change can happen.

Who knows though, I might be just like the rest of them if I get to where they are. Maybe I’ll be so worn down and torn apart that I won’t be able to even remember what my more noble intentions were. Maybe I’ll never get to find out.

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Blind Eye

Posted: February 2, 2017 in Personal
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I can’t work without a goal. I’ve lost that idealist part of myself. The problem is, I’m also losing the ability to see much further than my nose. I meet requirements 1-25 and nothing happens then I’m told i need to do 26-50 before I actually see results. I want to say that it’s not that I don’t believe, but I don’t believe anymore. I’ve done steps 1-100 and never taken a solid step forward. I don’t believe the dreams other people try to sell me. I don’t believe they can do what they say they can. I don’t believe much of…anything any more. I’m not 100% sure I believe in my own visions/dreams any more.

They make…made…*shrug* so much sense, but now…now I’m talking to myself through my laptop on a public forum because I can’t imagine what else to do at this particular moment. I guess at some point everyone either achieves their dreams or they become too cynical to pursue them anymore. I may be at the razor’s edge of the latter.

This isn’t a plea for a savior, simply stating my current mind state. I’ll either adjust and find some other form of survival or just fade away as the world should work.

Still the Same

Posted: February 2, 2017 in Personal, Uncategorized
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I’d love to come on here and share some grand plans I have for the rest of my life to explain my absence…I have none. I’d love to say that I was on some quest for inner peace as the reason I haven’t written or so much as reposted something in so long…I wasn’t. It’s literally the same issue now that I had when I first created this blog, started making music, writing poetry, or (now that I think about it) started living: who…the hell…cares? If i never made another post, recorded another song, wrote another poem, or inhaled another chest full of air, who would care? I don’t mean that nearly as morbidly as it sounds. Speaking from a strictly logical and time management perspective, who has time to give a shit? There are so many things going on that it’s almost egotistical and narcissistic of me to think I fit in somewhere among what someone would deem important. I mean, I’m not Beyonce having twins and I’m certainly no Meek v Nikki beef (because I’ve been told these are things that are happening outside of the world of K-Pop).

I suppose you must be wondering then, “the fuck are you writing this for then?” Right…well…because I want to. This is one of the few times I’ve turned on my computer and came to my blog without an endgame in mind. I have no big picture for this post and I don’t expect my phone to ring with some life changing opportunity. I am simply putting these words in this space because holding on to them may be poisoning my soul and it makes ME feel better to put them here. Of course, that’s probably even MORE egotistical and narcissistic than the previous motive, but now I don’t give a shit *shrug*.  If you would like to be a part of my self centered ramblings, by all means, you’re welcome. If you get something out of this, something I previously wrote, or something I’ve yet to write, even better. I will be doing everything from here on for me. I hope you enjoy it, but quite honestly, if you don’t, go fuck yourself.

Thanks for helping me see the real point of the art of words, Rook.

Fun problem: I’m starting to have so much going on that I forget to post them in a timely manner lol. Anyway, Episode 2 of the Unconventional Couple is up!!!! If you’re looking for a few facts and a little laugh, check it out.

 

It has literally JUST come to my attention that I did not share one of my new ventures with you wonderful folks. My lady love and I started a YouTube channel called the Unconventional Couple. It, like this blog, is going to be a random collection of thoughts expertly spewing from our faces with no preparation. Check out the first episode (a 20min special for our debut) and get ready for episode 2 coming soon!!!

But when the memories are gone, where do you go?
Evidence of human selfishness, you live through me
When I can no longer remember your face
I’ll remember the pieces of you in me
When I forget your favorite color and food
I’ll know that phrases I say and the confidence I have are attributed to you
When I can’t remember that time or that day or that night
I’ll know that these tears come from knowing greatness was lost. More than the sum of parts of memories
It is within my selfishness as a human that you’ll survive when my mind betrays me
It is within my ego that I’ll look to see you within me and you’ll never be lost to me

Reasons

Posted: December 14, 2015 in Personal
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You know why I can’t take a lot of people seriously? Because they speak from a narrow point of view. They have not seen a world outside of their square mile radius yet they feel they have the intelligence/experience/knowledge to school others as to all the flaws of their lives. Their foundation is weak, so anything that comes from their lips can’t stand, regardless of its validity. It all sounds like muddled garbage spewing from the face of ignorance. These type of people claim to speak for people they’ve never met, talk of events they know nothing about, and advocate ways of life they refuse to earnestly practice themselves.
You know why I can’t take a lot of people seriously? Because they never bother to see the other side of the coin. The best way to get someone to understand where you’re coming from is to speak to what matters to them. If you don’t know what their situation is, how can you speak on it? How can you suggest real, lasting improvement when you don’t know the truth of what’s wrong? You’re own point of view is trash and now you refuse to see more when it’s offered to you because you know that your way is so right. If it were so righteous, why are we standing in the same place, yet you’re so mad? These Facebook rioters, Twitter warriors, these same people that leave hateful, hurtful comments on other people’s pictures, songs, videos; if you’re so right, where do you find the time to even be this angry? You’re wrong and you don’t even know it because you know nothing. You don’t know why the other side does what they do and you don’t care so you can never communicate. You’ve lost all hope of the united front you sought because of your own ignorance. Congrats.
You know why I can’t take a lot of people seriously? Because life is far more simple than people try to make it. Just don’t be a dick. If you follow the teachings of the bible, there’s no room for you to be a dick. You are to live a life of example, love others as the Lord loves you, etc. It’s there. Your own rule book teaches you not to be a dick. If you follow the teachings of Judaism, you stand as the foundation of the Christian and catholic faiths. Your people endured great hardships not for you to put hardships on others. You were the first to receive the commandments and it’s real hard to be a dick if you play by those rules. If you follow the teachings of Islam,you encompass all of the above and more. You are taught not to speak ill of any man not present to defend himself and if another does, you are to defend your brother. It doesn’t get much more nondickish than that. Excuse my paraphrasing for those who follow these or any other religion, but the proof is there. If you’re going to claim it, live it. And for those who are not particularly religious, DON’T BE A DICK!!! Apparently no book is going to teach you that lesson, so for the sake of human decency and common sense, just don’t be a dick. If you don’t understand something, ask someone who does. If you don’t agree with something, stay the fuck away from it. AND STOP ACTING LIKE SOCIAL MEDIA IS REAL LIFE!!! It’s not. It’s the world’s biggest video game with the worst graphics and we only play it cause our friends are on it and it’s free. Turn the game off and have sincere human interaction and I guarantee the quality of your life will improve.

Somewhere along the line this fell apart and I started ranting, but given the name of the blog, that’s kinda par for the course. Take whatever positivity you can out of this, ignore the negativity that I’m sure seeped its way in and go be a better person.

So, I had a dream last night. Nothing special there, it happens. What was weird was how things played out. I assume I was at a festival or carnival. For whatever reason, I was constantly walking against the flow of foot traffic. As innumerable blank faces drifted by me, I started to see people I recognized. Whether the subconscious training of the new Millennium has damaged me or I just simply can’t believe someone would remember me, I usually don’t speak to people in public I recognize unless they acknowledge me first. I know, that’s pretty lame, but *shrug* sue me. Anyway, by the time I saw the 5th or 6th person, I thought back to a random Facebook post that said something to the effect of, “how many of you would even speak if you saw me in real life, yet we’re ‘friends’ on Facebook”. I thought that was a damn good point and began greeting every familiar face in the crowd. Here’s where I got a little tripped out: instead of getting a smile or wave back, I heard what that person thought of me. It was as if “This is Your Life” was a mobile game and everyone you touched had a single line of dialogue about you. As I kept greeting Facebook friends, Twitter followers and the like, I came to the crushing realization that if they even knew who I was, they really didn’t give a fuck about me. By the time I got to the exit, which was apparently where I was heading all this time, the entire crowd turned dark save a handful of random lights within it. I assume those are the ones who knew me/had something positive to say. Then I woke up, cold as hell in bed, with a cat on my chest.
At first, I was pretty upset with the thought that so many people I had nothing bad to say about had so much negative to say about me. I really look up to some of them, albeit from afar, and they inspire me to do more with my music and writing everyday. Then I considered, since it’s just a dream and I have no idea what any of these people ACTUALLY think of me, maybe it’s just me. Maybe my self image and my perception of myself is so terrible I would believe people could so easily discount me. Either side of that kinda sucks honestly.
Whichever is true doesn’t really matter in the end though. My life is what it is and it is the path that I’ve chosen. If people don’t respect that *shrug* tough. Most people don’t respect foresight until the vision is reality right in front of their stupid face. If somewhere deep inside I doubt me, I’ll just have to prove myself wrong and make shit happen whether I believe I can or not. Man…that’s a story isn’t it? Man defying the odds. Proved himself wrong for not believing in himself lol. Ah, ok I’m done. Go back to the real world and be productive.

*Feature Image Credit: Antwain Jackson*

People wish for a winning lottery ticket. I say I am one. Who’s tryin to put in? #WinningTicket #LivingInvestment

Neva Loved Us

Posted: December 2, 2015 in Music, Personal
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I spent a lot of time watching the Voice with my mom over the last month or so. It was really cool seeing these artists grow and learn from people like Pharell and Adam Levine, artists I actually look up to and enjoy myself. They would have amazing performances accompanied by live bands, Carson Daly would stand with them as people showered them with applause, and their songs would be posted to iTunes for immediate purchase. I watched careers flourish right in front of my eyes. It made me think about American Idol, Ink Master, Shark Tank (to a lesser extent), America’s Next Top Model, Top Chef, Project Runway, Face Off, and literally every other show that serves as a launch pad for breaking through the glass ceiling between being good at something and no one knowing and having the nation know it…and then I thought…what about me?

The closest things to ANY of this the hip-hop culture has known in recent memory are Master of the Mix and Making the Band. Yeah…not much to go on there. The bottom line is, there just isn’t love for hip-hop. We are a marketable entity for violence, misogyny, and poor financial decisions, but only at the highest levels. Only after you have brainwashed enough people with enough garbage and a suit decides, “yes, he’ll corrupt his people quite well”, do you get access to the types of places every other genre takes for granted. I don’t make trap music. I don’t glorify violence (I talk about it because it exists, HUGE difference). I don’t objectify women. I tell stories, I talk about my point of view on the world, I talk about my life. I cannot PAY to do a video with FOUR people (myself, my brother, my uncle and a cameraman) in Allentown, PA. A couple years ago, Jadakiss and Fabolous performed up the block from where my uncle lives, but that place not only closed down, it was TORN down. They don’t love us.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking for a “get famous quick” route. To the contrary, I don’t care to be famous. I just want to make enough to support myself, my fiance and my mother and I’ll be just fine. What I want is to show this country that seems to LOVE the hip-hop culture so much what it really is. I want a panel of unbiased judges to have to hit a button to turn around for the next Nas. I want some type of filter. I want…I just want this genre to be seen as equal. Funny..it’s the same with being black in America these days…

Feature Image Credit: (e)scapeLife Photography